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7 Bad Habits Preventing You From The Life You Want-阻止你过上理想生活的7个坏习惯

These 7 habits are psychological.(I’d actually argue that all habits are psychological.)
They aren’t physical actions that you try to stop doing.
They are subconscious thought processes that lead to staying the same rather than acting on the future you want.
And it will take some work to get you to rewire your mind.
这七个习惯是心理层面的。（实际上我认为所有习惯都是心理层面的。）
它们不是你试图停止的身体行动。
它们是潜意识思维过程，导致你保持原状，而不是去实现你想要的未来。
而且需要一些努力来重塑你的思维。

Habit 1 Not Being Selfish Enough

Because the oxygen mask principle applies to real life:
You must secure your well-being first if you want to help others.
A suffocated savior helps no one.
We’ve been trained to think that we need to care about everyone else before ourselves, and the people who trained us to think that way are unconsciously selfish. Most people don’t want the best for you. They want what’s best for them, and they will convince you to serve them in a way that makesyouseem selfish if you don’t. Avoid that trap. It positions you as an exploitable resource.
The most important people and work in your life deserve the best version of you.
And when you neglect yourself to cater to the needs of others, they receive all of the benefit while your potential slowly goes down the drain.
Stop seeing selfishness as a negative thing.
Instead, becomestrategically selfish.
Think of yourself as a cell phone battery or a muscle. When you are fully charged or recovered, you perform your best. When you’re exhausted, you shut down. Most people are operating on zero percent battery in everything they do.
Identify non-negotiables– a short list of what you absolutely need to function well. Exercise, alone time, sleep. Be specific. These are necessary not luxury.
Be unapologetic when saying “no”– this is difficult, but practice saying no without saying sorry. State that you aren’t available and let reactions expose their lack of care for your well being.
Filter requests against resources– if you don’t have the energy, if it’s not important, if you have to give up something important, or if you will hate it,decline. Full stop.
Give when you are overflowing– know what you need to function, know what you need to perform your best, and know what you can give away freelyafterthose are prioritized.
Selfishness and selflessness are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other, just like you cannot have happy without contrasting it to sad.
This may sound like basic advice, but do you actually do it?
If not, you needed this reminder, and probably shouldn’t write it off because you’ve heard it before.
If you practice becoming more selfish, your quality of life will improve drastically within a week.

习惯一 不够自私

因为氧气面罩原则适用于现实生活：
如果你想帮助别人，必须先确保自己的安好。
一个窒息的拯救者帮助不了任何人。
我们被训练成认为需要先关心别人再关心自己，而训练我们这样想的人其实是无意识的自私。大多数人并不希望你过得好。他们只关心自己的利益，如果你不为他们服务，他们会用让你显得自私的方式来说服你为他们服务。避免这个陷阱，因为它把你定位为可被利用的资源。
你生活中最重要的人和事值得拥有最好的你。当你忽视自己而去迎合他人的需求时，他们获得所有好处，而你的潜力却在慢慢流失。
不要再把自私看作负面品质。相反，要策略性地自私。
把自己想象成手机电池或肌肉。当你满电或恢复后，你表现最佳。当你精疲力竭时，你会关机。大多数人做任何事都是处于零电量状态。
确定不可协商的事项——列出你良好运作绝对需要的东西。锻炼、独处、睡眠。要具体。这些是必需品，不是奢侈品。
说不时要毫不犹豫——这很困难，但练习说"不"而不说抱歉。说明你无法帮忙，让他们的反应暴露他们对你福祉的漠视。
根据资源过滤请求——如果你没有精力，如果不重要，如果你必须放弃重要的事，或者你会讨厌它，就拒绝。完全停止。
给予要在你 overflowing 时——知道你需要什么才能运作，知道你需要什么才能做到最好，知道在优先考虑这些之后你能自由给予什么。
自私和无私是同一枚硬币的两面。你不能没有其中一个，就像不能没有对比就没有快乐一样。
这可能听起来像基本建议，但你真的在做吗？
如果没有，你需要这个提醒，而且不应该因为以前听过就忽视它。
如果你练习变得更自私，你的生活质量会在一周内显著改善。

Habit 2 Asking “How Do I Start?”

Why are people so obsessed with the wrong things?
It feels like a day doesn’t go by without people asking:
Both of which stem from a deeper question, “What if I fail?”
You want to start the side business to make more money. You want to get in the gym to fix your self-confidence. You want to do the hard thing so that life can be easier.
It doesn’t matter if it takes years.
What the fuck else are you going to do?
You aren’t going to learn, build, experiment, and everything else that makes life meaningful because you have something better to do?
You want life to be easier because it’s hard. But the minute that pursuing your dreams becomes hard, you quit and accept how hard your life is?
The problem is that your priorities are a lie.
You say you want to be successful, but you clearly don’t, because your desire for success doesn’t outweigh your desire to lie in bed eating doritos.
You must realize that it doesn’t matter if it takes your entire life, because at least you’ll be growing, not dying, along the way. Your life’s work isn’t an outcome. It’s a process.
Imagine you were the first person in the history of the world to do what you were about to do. Starting the business, getting in shape, learning a new skill, whatever it may be.
Do you think that person had a tutorial they could watch? A book to read?
Or did they make a mistake? Then another. Then another. Without labeling it as failure because they understood that they were building a collection ofwhat doesn’t work,and at some point, it would be impossible for them not to succeed, considering all of the experience they gained.
Here’s the real secret to starting:
Act as if nobody will tell you exactly what to do.
Assume that you will have to figure it out all on your own.
I’m not going to give you the best way to learn or do anything.
Instead, stop focusing on that.
Obsess over it. Learn everything. Try everything. Let it fail. Let it be cringe and embarrassing. That is the only way to achieve anything worthwhile in your life.

习惯二 问“我该怎么开始？”

请原谅我在这里发牢骚。
为什么人们对错误的事情如此执着？
感觉每天都有人会问：
“要多久？”
“我该怎么开始？”
这两者都源于一个更深层的问题：“如果我失败了怎么办？”
我明白了。
你想开个副业赚更多钱。你想去健身房锻炼，提升自信。你想做艰难的事，这样生活会更轻松。
对此我想说：
即使需要几年时间也无所谓。
你还能做什么？
你不会因为有更好的事情要做而学习、建设、尝试以及所有让生活有意义的事情？
让它合理。
你希望生活更轻松，因为生活很艰难。但一旦追逐梦想变得困难，你就放弃，接受生活的艰难？
真的吗？
问题是你的优先级是谎言。
你说你想成功，但显然你不想，因为你对成功的渴望不超过你躺在床上吃多力多滋的愿望。
你必须明白，即使耗费一生时间也无所谓，因为至少你会在成长，而不是死去。你毕生的心血不是结果。它是一个过程。
接下来是下一个问题：
“我该怎么开始？”
你要先开始。
就是这么简单明了。
想象一下，你是世界历史上第一个做出你即将做的事情的人。创业、锻炼身体、学习新技能，无论是什么。
你觉得那个人有教程可以看吗？一本书可以读？
还是他们犯了错误？然后又是另一个。然后又是另一个。他们不把它归为失败，因为他们明白自己是在积累一系列不起作用的东西，考虑到他们积累的经验，最终不可能不成功。
真正的开始秘诀是：
表现得好像没人会告诉你具体该怎么做。
假设你得自己摸索。
我不会告诉你最好的学习或实践方式。
相反，别再纠结于那个了。
对此痴迷。学好一切。什么方法都试试。让它失败吧。让它尴尬和尴尬吧。这是你人生中唯一有意义的成就之道。

Habit 3 Never Hitting Publish

When I realized that a conventional pencil-pushing job was the bane of my existence, I started to experiment with any “make money online” method that I could.
I ended up trying, and failing, at almost every business model out there until I was forced to get a job to survive.
As I learned, you don’t need any of that to succeed.
Instead, you need a body of public work that potential clients, employers, and followers can sink their teeth into to know what you do and how well you do it. That’s how you increase your percentage of luck.
Never hitting publish leads to something dangerous.
It’s called progress invisibility.
In other words, you don’t havereal worldfeedback and don’t give yourself achanceto have some form of responsibility to stick with it.
In other other words, you aren’t actually learning anything. It’s like you’re going to college, applying for a job, and going to college again. You never actually start the job… which is where youactually learn how to do the job.Most of your degree knowledge is thrown out the window.
Last, never making your work public is a form of reality distortion through isolation.
You work entirely alone without community, customers, feedback, or accountability. It’s easy to maintain your self-deception in this environment.
It’s easy to justify your lies about how “hard” you are working and your lack of results because you don’t have reality checks.
If you don’t know what to publish, this article is probably my least popular premium post, because the least sensational things are usually the most effective but get the least attention. In it, I teach 3 ways to practice writing your ideas for short posts on Substack notes, LinkedIn, X, or any other platform.

习惯三 绝不发布

当我意识到传统的文书推销工作是我生活的噩梦时，我开始尝试任何能做的“在线赚钱”方法。
我尝试了几乎所有商业模式，但都失败了，直到被迫找工作以求生。
所有那些线上生意失败的唯一原因是我从未按下发布键。我会花大量时间在标志、网站和免费作品集上，以便拥有某种权威。
正如我所学到的，成功不需要这些。
相反，你需要一份公开作品集，让潜在客户、雇主和粉丝都能深入阅读，了解你做了什么以及你做得如何。这就是提高运气概率的方法。
从不点击发布会带来危险。
这叫进步隐形。
换句话说，你没有现实_世界的_反馈，也没有给自己 承担责任去坚持下去的机会。
换句话说，你其实并没有真正学到什么。就像你在上大学，申请工作，然后再去上大学。你从未真正开始工作......而这才是你_真正学会如何做这份工作的。你大部分的学位知识都被抛诸脑后了。
我没有选择不每周写通讯的选项。我没有选择去开发产品并推广它们。我有人在等着他们，我的整个生存都依赖于此。我_必须_做（而且想/做），因为我拒绝了其他所有事情，包括工作。对你来说这是可选的，因为你有一个备选方案——也就是你试图逃离的现状，因为你不喜欢它，这说不通。
最后，从不公开你的作品是一种通过孤立来扭曲现实的表现。
你完全独自工作，没有社区、客户、反馈或责任。在这种环境下，维持自我欺骗很容易。
很容易为自己“努力”和没有成果的谎言辩解，因为你没有现实检验。
点击发布。
如果你不知道该发布什么，这篇文章可能是我最不受欢迎的高级帖子，因为最不轰动的内容通常最有效，但关注度最低。书中我教了三种练习在Substack Notes、LinkedIn、X或其他平台上写短文创意的方法。

Habit 4 Creating Artificial Complexity

People dumber than you are making 10x more progress and money than you because they don’t over think and under act.
I’m talking to the people who read my business content and think “oh that’s basic.”
As if I’m lying to you as to what it takes.
The problem is that you are subconsciously maintaining artificial complexity around business fundamentals to justify inaction. You believe that business success requires some mysterious secret that others are hiding from you, so you stack up more and more useless knowledge that only slows you down.
I’ll keep this one short to avoid complexity.
You need consistent execution of the basic principles.
If you need to take more than a beginner level course to act or see results,you are doing something wrong.
Start. Make a mistake. Learn from the mistake.
That’s the blueprint: no blueprint at all.
A surfer doesn’t need a blueprint to respond to the feedback of the waves. They’ve failed and practiced enough to the point of it being second nature.
A common theme between all of these habits is that you never actually do the fucking thing with persistence and iteration.

习惯4 制造人工复杂性

简而言之：
比你笨的人进步和收入是你的十倍，因为他们不过度思考和行动不足。
我和那些看过我商业内容的人说“哦，这很基础”。
好像我在骗你，告诉你需要什么。
问题在于你潜意识里在商业基础上维持了人为的复杂性，以此为不作为辩解。你相信商业成功需要某个别人对你隐瞒的神秘秘密，所以你不断积累无用的知识，这只会拖慢你的速度。
我会简短一点，避免复杂的内容。
你需要始终如一地执行基本原则。
如果你需要参加超过初级课程才能行动或看到效果，那你肯定做错了什么。
学习基础知识。
开始。犯错。从错误中吸取教训。
这就是蓝图：根本没有蓝图。
冲浪者不需要蓝图来响应浪的反馈。他们失败了，练习得足够多，几乎成了第二天性。
这些习惯的共同点是，你从来没有真正用坚持和反复去做那件事。

Habit 5 Being Too Frugal

Most people struggle with money.
Money is deeply intertwined with modern survival.
It impacts every single area of your life. Even if you aren’t thinking about money, you’re thinking about money. Your health depends on your money. The sanity of your relationships depends on a baseline amount of money.
You can say that’s unfair and complain about how it should be different, but I heavily disagree.
I’m not here to tell you the truth of money was somehow “hidden” from you.
It’s both your fault and not your fault for being in this situation.
You didn’t question how you were raised, developed a terrible psychological relationship with money, and because of that you failed to understand that making money is a skill. You can make as much as you want, you just didn’t take the time to study, practice, and master that skill.
Money problems don’t exist. Psychological problems do.
Most people’s inability to make, keep, or smartly use money comes down to their beliefs, because your beliefs determine the opportunities you can noticetodo those things.
Here’s a list of the average persons beliefs around money:
You believe money is hard to make.
You don’t believe money is a domain of mastery like health, relationships, or your creative work.
You may believe money is evil (because you were programmed by prior negative experiences).
You aren’t interested in starting a business because you only see the vocal minority of sleazy salesmen and 80 hour work weeks.
You think everyone is trying to scam you, or that any non-mega corporation is a grifter (when they’re usually the independent businesses you say you support).
You are stuck in survival mode, so you don’t see the importance of self-development or business and feel the urge to write them off to feel better about your own actions.
You don’t think you can make a lot of money in your field, which is just plain false if you can simply observe the top earners in your field (hint: they have a business).
Every single one of these limits how much you make.
If you believe money isn’t a skill, you won’t learn that skill.
If you believe money is evil, you will be repulsed by the thought of making more (even if it’s your only way out of your self-induced chaos).
Your perception of money is determined by your level of development.
The solution to your money problems (psychological problems) is to advance through each level.
The purpose of money changes as you develop yourself. It starts as a way to survive, becomes a method to acquire status, which leads to a desire for autonomy, then becomes a fuel for creativity and expression, then finally transforms into a way to help others advance through similar stages – related to money or not.
Survival– you are in the survival level of development right now in the financial domain of your life (you may be higher in something like health or intellect).
Status– you reach the status stage when (1) you have a sense of security around money and (2) you realize the need for others to perceive you as valuable to survive better.
Creativity– you realize the faults with status games, begin to crave autonomy, and develop a philosophical sense of mastery around your craft. You create your own way of doing things after following the methods of others for so long.
Contribution– you develop yourself to the point of becoming unemployable. Work, rest, and play become difficult to distinguish.
You transcend to each level once the previous level becomes too painful to stay in. You will know when that is.
For now, having awareness of this path is all you need to cure the habit of being frugal. Keep it in mind.
You can also go through the 25+ prebuilt AI workflowsinside of Kortexto discover what you want out of life, how to turn it into a modern business, and other things that may change the direction of your life. (And, having notes, PDFs, and all AI models in one place doesn’t hurt).

习惯5 过于节俭

大多数人都在为钱挣扎。
这是事实。
金钱与现代生存息息相关。
它影响你生活的每一个方面。即使你不在想钱，你也在想钱。你的健康取决于你的钱。你们关系的理智取决于一个基本的资金水平。
你可以说这不公平，抱怨应该有所不同，但我强烈不同意。
我不是来告诉你钱的真相被“隐藏”了。
这既是你的错，也不是你的错，因为你处于这种境地。
你没有质疑自己的成长环境，对金钱产生了糟糕的心理关系，因此你没能理解赚钱是一种技能。你可以赚多少钱，只是你没有花时间学习、练习和掌握这项技能。
根本没有经济问题。心理问题才是。
大多数人无法赚钱、保留或聪明地使用金钱，归结于他们的信念，因为你的信念决定了你能注意到哪些机会_去_做这些事情。
以下是普通人对金钱的信念清单：

Habit 6 Minimizing Anticipated Regret

The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.
While I believe the magic you’re actually looking for is in the experimentation you’re avoiding but can’t see because all that’s on your mind is avoiding the work, this holds a hint of truth.
There are few days that go by where people don’t ask:
“What platform should I start on?”
“What kind of digital product should I create?”
“Should I start a service business? E-commerce? Something else?”
Then, when they finally decide and go through a phase of premature optimization.
Like I did with my previous business attempts, I focused on the website, the logo, and doing portfolio work in private until I felt “ready,” which was never going to come.
You make decisions primarily to avoid future negative emotions rather than to maximize positive outcomes. You are unconsciously playing to lose rather than playing to win because in the back of your mind, you really don’t want to win.
What are you going to regret more?
Taking the wrong path – which is the only way to find the right path – and gaining more experience than you ever have in your life…
It’s not a difficult decision.
Do the work that leads to results and forget the rest.
If you think you need a website and logo and LLC before you can start getting customers, or that you need the perfect digital product or business model in order to start making an income, you are lying to yourself.
I’ll talk about this in a future letter.

习惯六 减少预期的遗憾

你寻找的魔力就在你回避的工作中。
虽然我认为你真正寻找的魔力在于你回避却看不到的实验，因为你脑子里全是逃避工作，但这其中蕴含着一丝真实的暗示。
很少有几天没人问：

Habit 7 Holding Onto An Identity That Doesn’t Serve Your Goals

You aren’t where you want to be because you aren’t the person who would be there.
When people want to change their life, they try to do it without changing much.
They want to lose weight without giving up their favorite foods.
They want to make more money while still going out every weekend.
They want to get into a relationship while being a slob.
I’m not saying you can’t do those things and see results.
I’m saying that the reason you don’t have the results is that your current lifestyle doesn’t get those results.
The thing is, all of those things are optional.
If you really want to change, you need to rip the band-aid off.
You need to jump into a new identity overnight.
You need to become disgustingly aware of the fact that the reason you are where you are is because the things you do, right now, are the reason you are there.
You won’t die if you give up your current habits.
You may go through a short period of pain, but that’s what happens when you attempt to remodel a house. It won’t feel the same, but if you continue the renovations, you’ll create an identity that makes it all worth it.
How I can help you when you’re ready:
Last week I posted amega guide to creating your first digital product. This week I will post a full guide to writing a persuasive landing page for the product.
If you need a new place for your notes and knowledge,try out Kortex. There are 25+ AI workflows for learning, marketing, and creating plus you can reference any of your notes, highlights, PDFs, or even YouTube links in the AI chat with any model.

习惯7 坚持一个对你目标不利的身份

你还没达到你想去的地方，因为你不是那个会在那里的人。
当人们想改变生活时，他们往往试图不做太多改变。

当你准备好时，我能如何帮助你：